That was a thing that happened.
I along with another person got up in front of 54 people and sang (or ar least tried to sing) Mariah Carey’s ‘All I want for Christmas’, and to say I was scared was an understatment. I was petrified.
I didn't know half of the people there, and the other half that I did know looked up at me with a look that read 'you're going to be great' like I do these things on a day to day basis. Spoiler alert: I don't.
When the opening jingle started to play, mocking me almost, I knew that there was absolutly no getting out of this, so I put the mic to my mouth and let words fumble out. After three and a half minutes of couging and laughing away my embarassment, the song ended. I felt almost good in a way. I was sick, I had a sore throat, my voice was going, I probably sounded like a bag of cats, but I felt good about doing it because, as many people know, I’m not the most out there person. Like, at all. I’m pretty sure my teachers thought I was a selective mute for four years, and honestly I thought I was too because I just never spoke out that much. But I found that once to song ended, my legs directed me over to my chair like a lost child, but another part of me wanted to do another song. This honestly happens all the time, like, if I had a euro for every time this happens, I would not be here studying for Christmas tests, let me tell you.
This perdicament kinda sucks, because you miss out on a good few opportunities. You miss chances to do things and be places, to show that you can actually do things. All because a voice in your head is saying that you really can not do it. I would be lying if I said that this voice isn't in my head now as I write.
I’ve struggled with that, and I’m sure many people do too. I keep my head low, I cringe when I say awkward things, and 'sorry' is my all time favourite word as I use it so much. But I found that if I do things that I never thought I’d do, I start to become a bit better at the whole 'confident’ thing. I try to push myself outside of my comfort zone daily. And that’s hard, I get that, but hear me out.
My grandmother is an incredibly smart woman, though I didn't think it at the time when she suggested that I push myself this time last year, I took her advice on board. She told me what many people told us when we started TY. 'You only get back what you put it'.
So I did, and I don't ever regret it. I took so many leaps and got so many opportunities. I did things that I wanted to do, things I was interested in and I think it payed off. A lot.
Now it’s not to say that I’m completely cured of this shyness disease. I still squeak out answers and I often have to repeat them because I was too quiet, but I answered. It may not seem like much but it’s a big deal to me.
I guess what I’m trying to get at with my midnight rambles is that it’s okay to talk, that your opinions and ideas really do matter. I realised that tonight as I was singing Christmas songs, and as I held that final high note, I believed it too.