Honestly change scares me. I try and try to oppress the fear and put on a brave face to the world but I don't like it. I don't like the way tomorrow is uncertain and you can argue the fact that it adds excitment to life but sometimes it doesn't. Like a family not knowing whether their home is safe or where a man may find his next meal. But, I do see the positives. Like a surprise visit from a family member abroad or a career move in the direction you want. So yes, it also excites me and causes me to think and dream for the future. But that doesn't mean I have to like it.
Personally, I don't like the way little changes go unnoticed and therefore I try my hardest to notice everything. To be aware of things others might miss and be knowledgeable about the people around me. Like the drop of a smile from a friend's face. I don't like the way I've changed from a little girl who had an unbelievable thirst for knowledge and read a book a day to a young woman who scrolls through her phone for nothing, claiming to be keeping up to date with the world but only losing the world around her. The young woman who buys books in the hope that the little girl will come back. But, she hasn't and she won't. That little girl has changed like the body replaces cells or the leaves fall off the trees. And that's life. Change is life.
Maybe I need to put on my big girl pants and get over my overthinking that results in sleepless nights. Maybe I can try and pry those little girl traits out once more and add them to the young woman who loses herself time and time again to those midnight woes. Maybe then those two can live in harmony with one another. Maybe I need to let life happen because, what I do know is that if you, as well as I, don't change and grow, we won't live.
EOD